1/4 엄마, 니가 너무 보고 싶어.

Anyone can give me a warm hug? I am very sorry to myself that I make myself so tired. Not physically but mentally. I don't know is it my fault that I felt tired recently? I am so frustrated while I can't make myself feel better and I failed to be patient.

I try to not to complain, but I can't. I am so sorry to the one who actually listen to my complain, very thank you. I don't want to complain, but I have no way to release my stress. Writing? It is only for me to express the beauty of words.

So poor that I have no way to reduce my stress. Where are my stress comes from? Job? It's okay for me, but I have a more ideal job. BF? Sorry, I don't have a love one. I only don't understand my dad, why he likes to scold and mumbling me. He is a good father, he do care us. But some how he keep scolding me and it makes me very frustrated. I try myself best not to care about it, but very difficult!

If he really change this bad habit, I think I will prefer to stay at home. I really don't understand why I always being scold. I am 20 year-old, I know what I am doing, please don't worry. Last time mom used to reading my blog, she knew what I was thinking. I hope my dad will surf internet too. TT

When I was studied in KL, I talk slowly and softly. Since I back to this place, I become more hot tempered. I try to be patient when talking to them, but I just don't know why they are like want to quarrel like that. I don't like this way, it makes me old faster. Since I back to here, I'm mentally ill, physically look old.

I try to be happy, but how? I can't do the thing I like, I can't talk slowly and softly to my dad, I can't do the thing I like and it is not harmful. What is the meaning of my life? I am now become lifeless and colourless. So sad to see myself like that, because I can't do anything. My dad is stubborn like what I don't know, he will never listen to advices and it makes me look like a useless daughter.

Yes, I am. I can't give my family wealth, I can't give them happiness, I can't give them a comfortable environment and life. YES, I'M USELESS.

Stay at home, I feel I am a rubbish. I can write nice articles, I can do many things. But ...

Who can rescues me? I miss my mom so much right now. I wish I can hug her tightly, and tell her that how stress I am , how useless I am now.

I HOPE I WILL FORGET THIS AND ESCAPE FROM THIS SUCKS CONDITION. I try to hold it. Hope I can control my mind. I am so sick, I miss mom! I feel like want to hug someone right now.

I am going to bang the wall, jog until I can't breath to reduce this kind of useless feeling.